I Really Don't Mind

I’ve found that after someone close to you dies, most people don’t ever want to bring up the subject.  Have any of you noticed that?  

Very few people in my life seem to want to talk about Vincent.  When I was on the phone the other day with one of Vincent’s old babysitters, she actually referred to him as “your second son.”  What is it about saying his name, about bringing the subject up that is so hard?  I’ve been surprised by how many people are just acting now like nothing happened, and actually go out of their way NOT to talk about Vincent.  Perhaps they are afraid that if they talk about him, I’ll either start crying, or it will somehow make me feel more sad than I already am.  My conversations used to be dominated by the subject of Vincent - what he’s doing, how he’s feeling, how his treatment is going - and after he died, that all stopped.  All we had left to talk about him were our memories of him, and some of them were pretty painful.  

But I’d rather talk about him than not.  One of darling teachers at Theo's preschool (you know who you are Mrs. Nancy!!) talks to me about Vincent.  She asks me if he was similar in personality to Theo, what he liked to do, how they used to relate.  She talks to me about his birthday and what I will do on that date this coming year.  I love that.  Just because he died doesn’t mean we can’t talk about him anymore.  He’s still just as pivotal to my life now, dead, as he was alive.