Our Father in Heaven,A few weeks ago Dan and I went to the annual HIM conference held here in Hawaii. We look forward to it every year as we get to see friends from other churches as well as hear from pastors, speakers, authors, and musicians who wouldn't otherwise come to our state.
Hallowed be your name
Your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven
Give us this day our daily bread
Forgive us our debts, as we have also forgiven our debtors
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil
For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever
Amen.
During one of the main sessions, Pete Greig, founder of the 24/7 prayer movement and author of quite a few books, including God on Mute, was speaking about "Worshiping When It's Hard." His wife was diagnosed with a debilitating brain tumor after their second child was born, and I found myself earnestly listening to him, impacted by both his story and faith. Towards the end of his message he brought us through the Lord's prayer, and I was surprised to find myself unwilling to repeat it.
After he was speaking we were given a chance to pray or write, so I tried to "fix" my earlier reticence to speak the prayer, and to my horror, found myself repeatedly saying "My will be done" instead of "Your will be done."
Talk about a Freudian slip!
It makes sense because I always want my will to be done. I wanted Vincent to be wholly healthy, to live a long life. I want to feel safe in my home, not wondering if someone's going to break in and steal something priceless. I want everyone to cater to how I'm feeling, to what I need, to share in my grief. I want Dan to be happy in the social work field and not have to go to seminary, I want to own a little house somewhere with a basement that doesn't flood, I want to have another child, a blossoming career, a bank account stuffed with money, a craft room filled with cute fabric.
I want a lot of things. Do you?
I'm praying that we may find the grace to embrace what we have as well as what we don't, and through our embracing of God's will, be pulled into His future.
5 comments:
Rebecca thank you so much for your honesty. It is one of the things I love most about you.
You are so wonderful. Hang on mom...
With so much love,
Valeri
Ugh...yep, that's me. =) Who doesn't want their will done?!?!? I'd be hard pressed to find someone who didn't...at least I've never met anyone yet.
One thing that I've realized in life...and continue to experience daily is that usually I do not get my will done! =) If there's something that I've a mind to do, or a want, etc., etc., I can pretty much plan on it not happening. God has a way of "helping" us surrender our will. Sometimes it's voluntary, more often I find it to be compulsory...or is that just because we realize that having our way isn't all there is to life?
As I'm sitting here thinking about something today that crushed me, someone I thought cared - but they really only care about themselves, I read your post and see that maybe it wasn't His will in the first place. Maybe I wouldn't have hurt or pain, at least not as often, if I said, "What is Your will today?", even in the small things.
Thanks for sharing your heart and showing me mine today.
Well said Rebecca. I guess it's no real comfort to say "It's only human." But I do take comfort that as I tantrum to God for what I will and what I want, He gently gathers me in His arms, reminds me that He loves me, and sets me back in the right direction.
Love you!
Shannon
Mine! Mine! It's all mine! (That's my motto anyway)
Ha, nice one Dan!
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